Pricilla Chan, wife of Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook CEO, recently announced the wonderful news that they are expecting a baby girl. The excitement is even more powerful, as they openly talked about the sadness of having three miscarriages. They had hopes and dreams for three pregnancies only to have them gone. Zuckerman shares, “Most people don't discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you, as if you're defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own.”
Even after 13 years after my own miscarriage, I know the deep pain and emptiness it creates. Every February I think of how old my child would have been. It was a very lonely experience that I didn’t really want to share. It’s a very personal thing and I didn’t want to cause anyone disappointment. I did think it was my fault, even though there's truly no way to prevent a miscarriage. I thought I could have done this or that and all would have been fine. Webmd.com states that 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriages. Over time, I realized it wasn’t my fault, but it didn’t take away the sadness.
Many women keep trying until they are successful, often with the help of fertility specialists. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen no matter what you do. I, on the other hand, decided to change direction and focus on getting in shape, continue to work on my career and travel as much as I could. Family members expressed disappointment in me when I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. Regardless, I told them I would wait until I was ready. When the time came, I had a plan A and a plan B. What if it happened again? When I put thoughts of plan B in the back of my mind, I had my beautiful son. Now that he’s almost 3, I wonder why I waited.
No matter what, you are never alone as there are social networks like Facebook to share your thoughts and feelings. It wasn’t until I said something about it that other women began to share with me as well. I no longer sit in silence, but rather let people know there is hope. Zuckerman puts a positive spin on sharing. "In today's open and connected world, discussing these issues doesn't distance us; it brings us together,” he says. “It creates understanding and tolerance, and it gives us hope."
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